When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me. She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
Malam itu saya pulang, tepat ketika istri saya sedang menyediakan makan malam. Aku menghampirinya dan memegang tangannya. Ada yg ingin aku bicarakan padamu, kataku. Istriku duduk & diam, aku bisa meliat kesedihan dimatanya.
Aku nggak tau harus ngomong dari mana mulainya, tapi aku tau aku harus ngomong juga ke istriku. Aku ingin kita bercerai, lalu suasana menjadi hening dan tenang. Istriku terlihat tenang dan tidak merasa aneh dengan kata-kataku, dan dia bertanya, KENAPA??
Aku tidak mengindahkan pertanyaannya dan tiba-tiba dia menjadi marah.
KAMU BUKAN LAKI-LAKI!!!
Malam ini kami tidak bicara satu sama lain, dia menangis aku tau dia penasaran dengan apa yg sebenarnya terjadi pada pernikahan kami.
Aku telah mengurus surat harta gono-gini untuk istriku, tapi dia merobek-robeknya, ga seperti istriku yg biasanya.
Dia lalu mnangis sejadi-jadinya didepanku, dan semua rencanaku untuk cerai sekarang benar2 jelas
BESOKNYA.
Aku pulang sangat telat dan sudah sangat malam dan aku liat istriku lagi nulis ssuatu diatas meja. But i didn't care about that, aku langsung menuju tempat PW buat tidur coz seharian tadi aku bener2 menghabiskan waktuku dengan selingkuhanku.
Lalu aku terbangun dan aku liat dia masih aja nulis tuh surat, tapi aku tidur lagi aja.
Paginya, dia ngasih tau apa rencana perceraiannya dia, dia ga ingin apa-apa dariku tapi butuh wkt satu bulan untuk bercerai, yg dalam satu bulan ini kita harus hidup seperti layaknya suami istri pada umumnya, alasannya satu, dia cuma ingin agar anak kita ga terganggu masalah perceraian karena ini lagi musim ujian.
tapi, ternyata dia minta lebih! dia minta aku untuk mengulang masa pernikahan kita pada awalnya, yaitu menggendongnya keluar ruangan setiap pagi.
Hanya karena ini permintaan untuk bulan terakhir pernikahan kita, aku iyain aja deh permintaannya yang aneh.
Aku kasih tau dong sama selingkuhanku tentang permintaan istriku itu, dia lalu tertawa keras dan ngomong kalo itu ga masuk akal, walaupun seperti itu, toh akhirnya kamu dan dia akan bercerai juga.
Aku dan istriku nggak pernah bersentuhan sejak aku kasih tau ttg rencana perceraian ini, dan ketika aku menggendongnya pada hari pertama, kami berdua merasa janggal, anak kami berbisik dari belakang, ayah sudah saatnya menggendong ibu keluar. and, you know what? that's word make my feels hurt, dan istriku bilang kepadaku, jangan beritau anak kita tentang perceraian ini! iya aku tau, kataku.
Lalu aku mnurunkannya diluar, dan dia menunggu bis datang sedangkan aku langsung naik mobil ke kantor.
Pada hari kedua, tingkah kami sudah sdikit normal, nggak terlalu canggung lagi, aku dapat mencium bau khas dari blusnya, dan aku sadar, aku tidak pernah memperhatikan istriku dengan detail dari dulu, aku sadar bahwa dia sudah gak muda lagi, aku dapat melihat keriput di mukanya dan rambutnya pun sudah mulai memutih! pernikahan kami sudah terasa lama bagi dia dan aku penasaran apa saja yg sudah kami perbuat selama itu.
Pada hari ke empat, saat aku mengangkatnya, aku merasakan lagi perasaan intim ini, perempuan inilah yg telah menghabiskan waktu 10 thn bersamaku!
Pada hari kelima dan keenam, aku sadar kalau rasa keintiman kami telah tumbuh lagi, tapi aku tiddk menceritakan ini ke selingkuhanku, ini menjadi lebih gampang untuk mengangkatnya setiap hari.
Suatu hari, dia ingin memilih gaunnya sendiri, dan dia nggak menemukan yang pas, saat itu aku sadar bahwa semua gaunnya kebesaran, ternyata dia menjadi smakin kurus, pantes aja pas aku angkat kok jadi ringan.
Sesuatu menggungang hatiku! Istriku trlalu banyak menyimpan sakit dan kepahitan didalam hatinya. Aku lalu mendekatinya dan mengelus kepalanya.
Pada saat itu, anak kami datang, dan dia mengatakan padaku, PAPA, sekarang saatnya nggendong mama keluar. Bagi anakku, melihat papanya menggendong mamanya keluar ruangan adalah hal yg penting dalam bagian hidupnya. (kenyataan ini membuatku pedih.)
Istriku lalu menyuruh anakku mendekat dan istriku memeluknya dengan erat. Aku memalingkan wajahku coz aku takut aku ntar malah mengganti keputusanku untuk bercerai
lalu aku segera menggendongnya keluar ruangan, melewati meja makan dan akhirnya keluar untuk menunggu bis, dia memelukku dengan lembut dan natural saat aku menggendongnya.
Tubuhnya yang semakin kurus itu membuatku sangat sedih pada hari trakhir, saat aku menggendongnya, aku sulit untuk melangkah, aku tidak pernah menyangka bahwa kehidupan kami sebelumnya penuh dengan kekurangan keintiman.
Aku segera memacu mobilku ke kantor dan aku segera keluar dari mobil secepatnya, bahkan tidak kukunci mobilku, aku segera menaiki tangga dengan cepat, takut klo pikiranku akan segera berubah lagi.
Selingkuhanku segera membuka pintu, dan sebelum sempat dia berkata, aku berkata, "maap, aku nggak ingin bercerai lagi!"
Dia memandangku dengan heran dan langsung memegang dahiku, kamu demam ya??!
Aku segera menepis tangannya dan berkata dengan mantab, maap, aku tidak ingin bercerai!
pernikahanku dengan dia membosankan karena selama ini aku dan dia nggak pernah melakukan keintiman yg membuat cinta kita terus hidup, bukan karena kita tidak saling mencintai
sekarang aku sadar sejak aku menggendongnya pada hari pernikahan kami, bahwa aku akan menjaganya sampai kematian memisahkan kita.
Selingkuhanku pun akhirnya sadar apa yg kuucapkan dan menamparku serta memakiku dan membanting pintu rumahnya dan akupun segera menuruni tangga dan pergi.
Dan ketika aku lewat toko bunga, aku memesan satu keranjang bunga untuk istriku, penjual bunga bertanya apakah anda ingin menulis pesan dalam bunga ini? aku hanya tersenyum dan menulis, aku akan menggendongmu sepanjang pagi sampai kematian memisahkan kita.
Aku nggak tau harus ngomong dari mana mulainya, tapi aku tau aku harus ngomong juga ke istriku. Aku ingin kita bercerai, lalu suasana menjadi hening dan tenang. Istriku terlihat tenang dan tidak merasa aneh dengan kata-kataku, dan dia bertanya, KENAPA??
Aku tidak mengindahkan pertanyaannya dan tiba-tiba dia menjadi marah.
KAMU BUKAN LAKI-LAKI!!!
Malam ini kami tidak bicara satu sama lain, dia menangis aku tau dia penasaran dengan apa yg sebenarnya terjadi pada pernikahan kami.
Aku telah mengurus surat harta gono-gini untuk istriku, tapi dia merobek-robeknya, ga seperti istriku yg biasanya.
Dia lalu mnangis sejadi-jadinya didepanku, dan semua rencanaku untuk cerai sekarang benar2 jelas
BESOKNYA.
Aku pulang sangat telat dan sudah sangat malam dan aku liat istriku lagi nulis ssuatu diatas meja. But i didn't care about that, aku langsung menuju tempat PW buat tidur coz seharian tadi aku bener2 menghabiskan waktuku dengan selingkuhanku.
Lalu aku terbangun dan aku liat dia masih aja nulis tuh surat, tapi aku tidur lagi aja.
Paginya, dia ngasih tau apa rencana perceraiannya dia, dia ga ingin apa-apa dariku tapi butuh wkt satu bulan untuk bercerai, yg dalam satu bulan ini kita harus hidup seperti layaknya suami istri pada umumnya, alasannya satu, dia cuma ingin agar anak kita ga terganggu masalah perceraian karena ini lagi musim ujian.
tapi, ternyata dia minta lebih! dia minta aku untuk mengulang masa pernikahan kita pada awalnya, yaitu menggendongnya keluar ruangan setiap pagi.
Hanya karena ini permintaan untuk bulan terakhir pernikahan kita, aku iyain aja deh permintaannya yang aneh.
Aku kasih tau dong sama selingkuhanku tentang permintaan istriku itu, dia lalu tertawa keras dan ngomong kalo itu ga masuk akal, walaupun seperti itu, toh akhirnya kamu dan dia akan bercerai juga.
Aku dan istriku nggak pernah bersentuhan sejak aku kasih tau ttg rencana perceraian ini, dan ketika aku menggendongnya pada hari pertama, kami berdua merasa janggal, anak kami berbisik dari belakang, ayah sudah saatnya menggendong ibu keluar. and, you know what? that's word make my feels hurt, dan istriku bilang kepadaku, jangan beritau anak kita tentang perceraian ini! iya aku tau, kataku.
Lalu aku mnurunkannya diluar, dan dia menunggu bis datang sedangkan aku langsung naik mobil ke kantor.
Pada hari kedua, tingkah kami sudah sdikit normal, nggak terlalu canggung lagi, aku dapat mencium bau khas dari blusnya, dan aku sadar, aku tidak pernah memperhatikan istriku dengan detail dari dulu, aku sadar bahwa dia sudah gak muda lagi, aku dapat melihat keriput di mukanya dan rambutnya pun sudah mulai memutih! pernikahan kami sudah terasa lama bagi dia dan aku penasaran apa saja yg sudah kami perbuat selama itu.
Pada hari ke empat, saat aku mengangkatnya, aku merasakan lagi perasaan intim ini, perempuan inilah yg telah menghabiskan waktu 10 thn bersamaku!
Pada hari kelima dan keenam, aku sadar kalau rasa keintiman kami telah tumbuh lagi, tapi aku tiddk menceritakan ini ke selingkuhanku, ini menjadi lebih gampang untuk mengangkatnya setiap hari.
Suatu hari, dia ingin memilih gaunnya sendiri, dan dia nggak menemukan yang pas, saat itu aku sadar bahwa semua gaunnya kebesaran, ternyata dia menjadi smakin kurus, pantes aja pas aku angkat kok jadi ringan.
Sesuatu menggungang hatiku! Istriku trlalu banyak menyimpan sakit dan kepahitan didalam hatinya. Aku lalu mendekatinya dan mengelus kepalanya.
Pada saat itu, anak kami datang, dan dia mengatakan padaku, PAPA, sekarang saatnya nggendong mama keluar. Bagi anakku, melihat papanya menggendong mamanya keluar ruangan adalah hal yg penting dalam bagian hidupnya. (kenyataan ini membuatku pedih.)
Istriku lalu menyuruh anakku mendekat dan istriku memeluknya dengan erat. Aku memalingkan wajahku coz aku takut aku ntar malah mengganti keputusanku untuk bercerai
lalu aku segera menggendongnya keluar ruangan, melewati meja makan dan akhirnya keluar untuk menunggu bis, dia memelukku dengan lembut dan natural saat aku menggendongnya.
Tubuhnya yang semakin kurus itu membuatku sangat sedih pada hari trakhir, saat aku menggendongnya, aku sulit untuk melangkah, aku tidak pernah menyangka bahwa kehidupan kami sebelumnya penuh dengan kekurangan keintiman.
Aku segera memacu mobilku ke kantor dan aku segera keluar dari mobil secepatnya, bahkan tidak kukunci mobilku, aku segera menaiki tangga dengan cepat, takut klo pikiranku akan segera berubah lagi.
Selingkuhanku segera membuka pintu, dan sebelum sempat dia berkata, aku berkata, "maap, aku nggak ingin bercerai lagi!"
Dia memandangku dengan heran dan langsung memegang dahiku, kamu demam ya??!
Aku segera menepis tangannya dan berkata dengan mantab, maap, aku tidak ingin bercerai!
pernikahanku dengan dia membosankan karena selama ini aku dan dia nggak pernah melakukan keintiman yg membuat cinta kita terus hidup, bukan karena kita tidak saling mencintai
sekarang aku sadar sejak aku menggendongnya pada hari pernikahan kami, bahwa aku akan menjaganya sampai kematian memisahkan kita.
Selingkuhanku pun akhirnya sadar apa yg kuucapkan dan menamparku serta memakiku dan membanting pintu rumahnya dan akupun segera menuruni tangga dan pergi.
Dan ketika aku lewat toko bunga, aku memesan satu keranjang bunga untuk istriku, penjual bunga bertanya apakah anda ingin menulis pesan dalam bunga ini? aku hanya tersenyum dan menulis, aku akan menggendongmu sepanjang pagi sampai kematian memisahkan kita.
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